When thinking along the lines of smoking, there are 3 kinds of people:
1) Smokers
2) Occasional Smokers
3) Non-smokers.
You see, my dear reader, smoking is like a religion. There are as many brands of cigarettes as religions and while they all involve the same general process (light, inhale, exhale etc.), the packaging is as much as part of someone's identity as the activity of smoking. I'll give you an example, in dublin there are skangers (undesirable folk) and their stereotypical brand of smoke is John Player Blue. Anyway, like religion to the religious, cigarettes are involved in every smokers lives in the same way. The person gets up to pray in the morning as often as a smoker gets up in the morning for a smoke. There's always a situation where a number of religious people gather together to pray just as often as there are situations where smokers all gather together to smoke.
Now occasional smokers are like fair-weather Christians or Agnostics. I'm not sure how to explain this. These would be people who wouldn't really be religious, but would say they were on certain occasions when they see their religious friends. In smoking terms, these are the people you see smoking when they're out drinking. And when they're asked they always say,
"Oh I don't smoke, but I do when I'm drinking". It's pretty much like when someone says,
"Oh I'm an atheist, but I'll celebrate Christmas to get presents!".
Finally we have the non-smokers. These are the Atheists. Now it's uncanny how similar Atheists and non-smokers really are, it's almost scary in fact. Just look at this,
There are non-smokers/Atheists who really don't give a feck about what the smokers/religious do. Even if the religious/smokers are being religious/smoking around them they don't care, they don't let it bring them down. But then you have the obnoxious, self-righteous slugs who go out of their way to try and convince you that being religious/smoking is wrong as if they actually believe that you're going to stop because they told you it was wrong.
It's funny, while I'm writing this I can see how we could acheive world peace. It's quite simple really, just start thinking like a smoker. It makes no difference to you what the person next to you is smoking, they're doing the exact same as you only with different packaging. You might think that what they're smoking is bad, but who are you to talk, you're smoking yourself! Currently we're undergoing a situation in the world where people are too focused on the packaging and not at what's inside. A cigarette is a cigarette whether it's in a gold case or a paper packet, it's got the same chemicals, it's got the same effect.
So the next time any of you non-smokers give out about a smoker, you just remember. We aren't as judgemental as you, we know what's in the packaging and we'll freely admit to it. We see everyone around us as equal in relation to us, so get down off your god damned high horse. You getting on your high horse and telling us smokers what we're doing wrong is exactly like what that street preacher you made fun of was doing, shouting mindless babble that everyone's heard before and will just zone out. So either spark up or shut up...
Saturday, January 3, 2009
Friday, January 2, 2009
New Year's Resolutions
I'm fed up of the cliched resolutions that everyone knows they're not going to commit to at all. Even the people who say,
"My New Year's resolution is to do exactly what I've been doing all along! HA HA HA!"
This angers me to say the least. Why? It's the same thing day in day out. We all know some complete ass-hat who says "My resolution is to have sex with as many girls as I can", even though he and you know full well that old righty will be his only sexual companion for yet another year. Then there are:
The fat people who say they're going to exercise and go on a diet.
The lazy people who say they're going to be more active.
The people who say they're going to do a night course to get a better job
The people who say they're going to drink less, smoke less etc.
As always, there's always someone who thinks they're being funny and original by saying "My resolution is that I'm not going to have a resolution! TEE HEE!".
What gets my goat is the fact that this situation never changes. Every 1st of January people change their calender but keep telling the same lie that they're going to better themselves in some way. I myself am on my 6th resolution to quit smoking, yes even I have joined the big lie that is "The New Year's Resolution". This pisses me right off!
Lets just look at this for one second. Lets say you're one of the majority who say,
"I'm going to exercise more!"
You join a gym the next Monday, or if you're like the majority of people, you put it on your to-do list. When (or more appropriately if) you join the gym, you then go maybe twice or three times. You're already pissed off because you had to go there in person to join because the phones at the gym where jammed so much that you were on hold for 2 solid hours before you finally gave up and drove there. You get even more frustrated at the fact that this really expensive gym is somehow very crowded every time you're there and you can't do anything exercisey at all! After the second time of going there you decide that you're going to quit the gym and take care of your exercise schedule yourself.
You're pumped! You're so determined to not be in that pile of lost causes who couldn't do THEIR resolution that you go and buy yourself the latest torture device made in the name of fitness. You buy yourself some new runners and some new gym clothes. You really feel great that you're getting up off your arse and doing something. Then by the end of January you're using your fitness equipment as a clothes horse, your new runners are gathering dust in the corner of your clothes press and your new gym clothes have become your "lounge about the house" clothes.
Call me a pesimest or call me a realist, but it's completely true. Every last one of us is going to make a resolution, and 1 out of every 1000 of us will actually stick to it properly. The other 999 of us will be the exact same as we were at the end of the previous year.
But Felix, what about the people who said they're going to do nothing different?
I'm glad you asked. These people are the one's who change with every fad. You'll find their attitudes towards everything change with the tides. So you should compare your non-resoluting friend to what she/he was like the year previously. Most often you'll find that she/he will latch on to the latest thing e.g. this year it's fashionable to listen to indie music (which made it become pop music, thus making the term indie music redundant). So with this example in mind, they changed their taste in music to something a little more instrumentally minded.
What I suggest to you is to make a resolution that you can properly keep. My grandad made a good resolution this year, he's going to have a full conversation with at least one person he doesn't know everyday. It's not difficult to do that, in fact you probably do it already.
As well as stopping smoking, my resolution is somewhat similar to his. I'm going to do my best to say something positive about someone everytime I say something negative. Which in all honesty, is proving to be very difficult....
Happy New Year
"My New Year's resolution is to do exactly what I've been doing all along! HA HA HA!"
This angers me to say the least. Why? It's the same thing day in day out. We all know some complete ass-hat who says "My resolution is to have sex with as many girls as I can", even though he and you know full well that old righty will be his only sexual companion for yet another year. Then there are:
The fat people who say they're going to exercise and go on a diet.
The lazy people who say they're going to be more active.
The people who say they're going to do a night course to get a better job
The people who say they're going to drink less, smoke less etc.
As always, there's always someone who thinks they're being funny and original by saying "My resolution is that I'm not going to have a resolution! TEE HEE!".
What gets my goat is the fact that this situation never changes. Every 1st of January people change their calender but keep telling the same lie that they're going to better themselves in some way. I myself am on my 6th resolution to quit smoking, yes even I have joined the big lie that is "The New Year's Resolution". This pisses me right off!
Lets just look at this for one second. Lets say you're one of the majority who say,
"I'm going to exercise more!"
You join a gym the next Monday, or if you're like the majority of people, you put it on your to-do list. When (or more appropriately if) you join the gym, you then go maybe twice or three times. You're already pissed off because you had to go there in person to join because the phones at the gym where jammed so much that you were on hold for 2 solid hours before you finally gave up and drove there. You get even more frustrated at the fact that this really expensive gym is somehow very crowded every time you're there and you can't do anything exercisey at all! After the second time of going there you decide that you're going to quit the gym and take care of your exercise schedule yourself.
You're pumped! You're so determined to not be in that pile of lost causes who couldn't do THEIR resolution that you go and buy yourself the latest torture device made in the name of fitness. You buy yourself some new runners and some new gym clothes. You really feel great that you're getting up off your arse and doing something. Then by the end of January you're using your fitness equipment as a clothes horse, your new runners are gathering dust in the corner of your clothes press and your new gym clothes have become your "lounge about the house" clothes.
Call me a pesimest or call me a realist, but it's completely true. Every last one of us is going to make a resolution, and 1 out of every 1000 of us will actually stick to it properly. The other 999 of us will be the exact same as we were at the end of the previous year.
But Felix, what about the people who said they're going to do nothing different?
I'm glad you asked. These people are the one's who change with every fad. You'll find their attitudes towards everything change with the tides. So you should compare your non-resoluting friend to what she/he was like the year previously. Most often you'll find that she/he will latch on to the latest thing e.g. this year it's fashionable to listen to indie music (which made it become pop music, thus making the term indie music redundant). So with this example in mind, they changed their taste in music to something a little more instrumentally minded.
What I suggest to you is to make a resolution that you can properly keep. My grandad made a good resolution this year, he's going to have a full conversation with at least one person he doesn't know everyday. It's not difficult to do that, in fact you probably do it already.
As well as stopping smoking, my resolution is somewhat similar to his. I'm going to do my best to say something positive about someone everytime I say something negative. Which in all honesty, is proving to be very difficult....
Happy New Year
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