My view on life and love

So I should probably start off by telling you about myself. I'm 22 years old, but haven't been 22 all of my life. Only about 3 months really. The rest of the time I spent growing up. I did that in Dublin mostly (That's in Ireland). I'd like to think I was an ordinary child, in fact for the most part I was, but I've always seen the world differently to everyone else. Some would say I see it through rose tinted glasses, I would say that I'm just experiencing the world from a different angle.

It's like life is like a rock concert, the band represent the people we aspire to be. There are those in the pit who spend way to much time jumping about the place to actually get anything done, there are those who stand at the back of the pit and there are those who sit in the seats at the back. The people in the back are still enjoying everything on the same level, just in a different way. While those in the pit are enjoying the atmosphere, those in the seats are appreciating the music directly; unaffected by the people next to them in any way. The people in the middle like to have their cake and eat it, but they seldom get the opportunity to do both. They want to be up front where the action is, but on the other hand they wish to relax and appreciate the music. When they try to enjoy the atmosphere they interfere with the people enjoying the music, and when they're enjoying the music, they're bothered by those enjoying the atmosphere. I like to think that in life we all experience all 4 levels mentioned. Everyone has a role model, sometimes you're someone else's, everyone wants to be where the action is and not really think, everyone wants the time and the ability to observe everything and appreciate it. Overall everyone becomes the people in the middle, unsure of what they want but enjoying it all the same.

What I'm trying to say is that, in life there is no such thing as a casual observer. You can't just pass by life and glance at it for a second. Life can be experienced and appreciated while you have it, however love can't; at least, not in my mind anyway. You never really know if you love someone until they aren't there. It doesn't matter if it's temporary or permanent, you need to not have love in order to know you've got it. Which is why I never understand these couples who believe in love at first sight. It makes no sense to me at all, especially when you think about how most relationships begin:

You see her, standing there alone at the other side of the smoking area of your local pub. She's waiting for someone, you kid yourself into thinking that she's waiting for you to arrive to ask where you've been all her life. She lights a smoke and sips her wine and stares off into the crowded room, not at anyone in particular, just the crowd. Your eyes meet and you swear you're in love with this girl (or at least in lust). She smiles at you and coyly stares into her wine glass before looking over again to see if you're still looking at her, you quickly look away not wanting to look over eager. You finish your drink and get another, collecting what few coherent thoughts that are floating around in your head in the hope that something witty will flash before your eyes. You sip your drink and sigh at the fact that you can't think of anything to say to her, but before you can finish pitying yourself you see her again. She's standing right next to you, you go to say hi but bashfulness takes over and you stop yourself. You finally pluck up the courage to ask her her name, she tells you and you try to resist the urge to say "That's a wonderful name" like they do in the movies. You talk to her for a while, she laughs at your jokes and you laugh at hers, you exchange compliments and say your goodbyes. Your heart beats quickly as she writes her number on a napkin and hands it to you. Then she leaves.

This seems like love at first sight, but is it really? It sounds like the average night out for most people. But wait:

After she leaves you stop thinking about her. You know there's a napkin in your pocket, but you forget that her number is on it. You and your friends share a joke or two along with an equal amount of drinks and go home. As you walk you sneeze and you get the napkin out of your pocket. You see her number and you remember her. Her hair, her eyes, her smell, her voice, her laugh, her amazing tits! You name it, you remember everything. You go home and sleep (or at least try) you wake up and have breakfast and you call her. You invite her out to a fancy meal and she accepts. All you can think about is kissing her, hugging her and making love to her. You dream of waking up to her smiling face in the morning and falling asleep with her lying naked beside you. You want to be with her...

Doesn't this all seem lovely? So romantic? Yeah right. We're still in lust town my friends. A good pal of mine once defined love as:

When you go out with someone and you take her to dinner all the time, you buy her fancy jewelery, you wear that jumper she got you even though you don't like it and you go out of your way to make her happy. Love is when you will do anything to give everything to someone and expect nothing in return. The day that sex with that special someone becomes a bonus rather than a necessity is the day that you're in love.

I don't think many people know what it's like to be in love. "Love", as most people experience it is blind, quite literally. If you want to know if you're in love with someone, then spend time apart. If you can't sleep, eat, drink or function without them then you know it's love. If you can't wait to kiss and cuddle them, then I'm afraid you've got a long way to go.